Navigating healthy dating in 2021, what you need to know to avoid heartbreak

Why is dating so hard nowadays. Boy meets girl, girl likes guy, then VOILA! Right? Wrong! With advance new technology, with rising rates of divorce, relationships are more like sports and recreation. Moving further and further away from what they were designed for, the dating culture is filled with broken and hurt individuals who refused to heal from deep wounds. Instead, they prefer to just bleed on anyone in their path, which then carries on the tradition of “hurt people, hurt people.” Why do you even bother? Why do you even put yourself out there and make yourself available, if you will get hurt, over and over again? Well, there is no love without risk. Such a brave soul you are (smile).

Who Are You? What Do You Want?

If you are going to date, let’s date effectively, let’s date with a purpose, and let’s date in a healthy way… Shall we? Okay so boom! Answer this question for me…Who are you? Your purpose on this earth, kind of an existential question, I know… But it is important in order to know who will come with you on this journey of life moving forward. Identity is the most crucial part of your existence. When you know who you are and what you are purposed for, you will easily see who is coming with you on your journey, because they will be packing suitable and compatible characteristics needed for purpose. When you are not aware of your purpose or your identity, most often than not, you will find yourself abusing and misusing yourself and others. This is why the dating culture is broken, a bunch of question marks running around looking for a warm bed. If you knew your destination when planning a road trip and looking for a companion to travel with, chances are they will be packing similar or compatible items. If you are going to the Bahamas, you will need a person to be packing several bathing suits and sunblock to say the least. You would swipe past the person in the eskimo suit, you would swipe past the person wearing snow boots because they are not dressed for where you are going. It wouldn’t matter how good looking they were, they are not a good fit for where you are going. Simple. Are you picking up what I am putting down? I figured you would.

Now, why are you dating? This is the second part of question One. Simple question, but there will be a variety of answers. Marriage? Friendship? Socialization? Boredom? When you answer these questions, they will lead you to how you prepare and also what you are looking for when dating.

Am I Insecure?

How does the saying go? When you fail to plan, you plan to fail? Well, preparing is a healthy step in dating, down to the very perfume or cologne you will wear solely for dating. It is important and healthy to be self-aware of insecurities before dating, so you are freely able to be yourself and comfortable enough to discuss important topics that make you uncomfortable. If there are insecurities that you can address, then be in the process of addressing them. Dating healthy is NOT the absence of insecurities. Instead, it is being aware of them, and working on being comfortable with them so they do not impede on healthy dating.

I will give you an example of a session I had with a couple who came for couples counseling. A wife reported her husband was not happy with her weight and felt he gets on her about diet and exercise. The husband reported he loved his wife’s weight, but she is not happy with her weight so he wanted to help her be more comfortable. He further stated that since she loved smoothies, he would make her one every morning. His wife replied, “I know I have to lose weight, you do not have to throw it in my face!”

You see, when we have insecurities, they sometimes speak for us when triggered. Can you imagine how this can end up being a date cut short? Real quick! If you are going to give dating a fare and healthy shot, be self-aware of any insecurities, so insecurities do not speak for you. Things can get really awkward. Preparation can be a fun process. Instead of you feeling like you are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, perhaps you are preparing for that person by answering the simple questions of identity and purpose, and being ahead of your insecurities so they are checked.

You Are Worth It

For more ways to prepare for dating, read my book, “You are Worth It!” which is available on Amazon, Kindle, and Barnes and Nobles. This is a 30-day awareness tool of prepara>on to get you on the fast track of da>ng and finding companionship. You are Definitely Worth It!

About the author

Danisha Reed, LPC, ACS

Danisha Reed, LPC, ACS

Published Author: “Love Letters From Ishra,” (2016) and “You Are Worth It!” (2018) both available on Amazon, Kindle, and Barnes and Nobles. I am a licensed therapist from NJ who enjoys normalizing therapy and building strong marriages and families. Starting my private practice, while being a single mother of 4 beautiful children has not been an easy journey. More than 5 years ago I started SUGAR Counseling and did not look back! S.U.G.A.R Synthesis Under God’s Authority Restored! It’s SWEET when passion meets purpose!

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