Confessions: Selfless vs Selfish

There’s no job that documents my time as much as watching my children grow! They are the timestamp that makes it all worth tracking.

Once upon a time, long before I had children, I did whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted to do it! I woke up without an alarm on the days I didn’t have to work and my day was structured based on what I felt like doing at the moment. I tackled my list of to-dos at my own leisure and there was hardly ever any pressure to keep a routine. Every meal I ate was hot and my coffee never cooled down before I could finish the entire cup. Who reheats coffee?! I didn’t have to “make” time to get myself ready or go to the gym. “Me time” was plentiful! I could even spend hours in the mirror. getting myself ready if I wanted to. There was plenty of “me time” to go around and the thought of not having this time was the furthest thought from my mind. I enjoyed spontaneous trips by car or by plane and I only had to pack for me! I could pack an entire suitcase just for shoes and another for clothes without the worry of taking too much. I could meet up with friends at our favorite restaurant for breakfast and hours later find ourselves ordering dinner as we dined literally all day! There was not a care in the world for anyone besides ME! I was completely and unapologetically SELFISH.

Then… I had children…

Life is so different now. I can still do some of the things I did in my prior life, but structure is absolutely necessary. I made the choice to be that “selfless” parent who puts their children first. Everything I do is for them. Before you became a parent, did you have a plan for how you would raise your child and what type of parent you would be? Selfless parenting is less about doing what is COMFORTABLE for you and more about what’s good for your children.

Selfless parenting taught me to step outside of my comfort zone, for the sake of the child. Some days I just don’t feel like sticking to the plan and, honestly, most times I don’t. My desire is always to make sure they get the love and attention they need, even if that means my needs come last. After all, they didn’t ask to be here! So, here are some of the areas that I constantly have to push myself to act for the sake of my children, rather than what’s comfortable for me.

Routine

It’s not comfortable or easy for me to maintain a healthy routine for my children. However, I realize that they operate better when they know what to expect throughout their day. Routines give them stability in a way that also boosts their confidence. They feel like they have some control over how their day will turn out.

Healthy Meals

It’s not comfortable or easy to prepare meals that are healthy for my children all the time. Sometimes it’s very challenging to get them to eat what’s good for them, but I realize the better their diet, the less likely they’ll face some of the health struggles in our current society. I have to take that extra step to be creative and offer meals that are healthy, fun and delicious. Their healthy diet began from the time they were babies, I didn’t find it that important for them eat sugary snacks. When you really think about it, they won’t ever miss what they’ve never been exposed to. I allowed my children to have their first sugary snack when they were closer to 2 years old. Now their pallets are satisfied with fruits and veggies, while snacks aren’t necessary, but rather more of a reward than a requirement. Juice?… Why not water? Who said that your child must have juice? My children prefer water even at the ages of 7, 5 and almost 2. I rarely offered them juice in their younger years, so they prefer what they’re accustomed to receiving.

Family Time

When my name is being yelled a thousand times a day, sometimes I just want to barricade myself in my bedroom and hide until the coast is clear! End. Of. Story.

Being a Mom

Thinking back to my days prior to being married and having children, my only job was whatever allowed me to make money. Fast forward to having my first child, Christopher, and in an instant, I became a person who wore several hats 24/7. Some of my job titles included, personal chef, personal assistant, housekeeper and maid. I was on call to clean up messes and spills, all while still acting as the general manager who scheduled the day and assigned tasks, the life coach who spoke positivity during those tantrums and meltdowns, the teacher who turned daily life into mini lessons and even the role model who set the example for my kids. There were also times where I was the speech language pathologist translating baby gibberish into words and sentences, the nurse who tended to the sick and wounded, the sleep specialist, the multitasker and the list continues! Who knew being a mom would require so many skills?! At times I’m really good at it and sometimes I’m not.

Although, at times, I miss having hardly any responsibilities, there’s no job in the world more rewarding than parenthood. There’s no job that documents my time as much as watching my children grow! They are the timestamp that make it all worth tracking. I can immediately tell you about my child and every detail of their actions at the mention of a date, even if it was 3 years ago, but when you ask me about time periods prior to them, I can hardly pinpoint where I was, or what I was doing. I’m no longer selfish about my time and I’m grateful that they make every year of watching them grow so exciting. My old self had no idea what she was missing until she became a selfless parent.