When we have children, whom do we choose– our husband or our child? Do we really have to choose?
When I first gave birth to my son, all I wanted to do was kiss and cuddle him day and night. I was almost obsessed over this amazing, little creation that God chose to bless us with! He was so cute, soft and cuddly. Most of my time was devoted to this helpless little being that needed my husband and I to care for his every single need.
As a new mom, it’s natural to be totally consumed by our newborn baby, especially, for first time mothers. We have this natural desire to be needed and now it seems this beautiful baby fulfilled that desire. Our spouse, who was used to getting 100% of our attention, is now being totally neglected. I was at a point where I would rather cuddle with my new baby, than the man who helped me conceive him! My mom sat me down one day and made me aware of what she noticed could turn into a bad situation. She told me that I would have to find balance between my time with the baby and my time with my husband. She was absolutely right. It wasn’t like I purposely began ignoring my husband’s needs; I was just so excited to take care of my precious baby. Either way, it can’t possibly be a good feeling for a man to go from being the apple of my eye, to an apple seed. I literally had to force myself to remember all of my responsibilities as a woman, a wife and a mom.
Thank God I have a very patient and understanding husband. I asked him to give me some time to find my balance. Not only did I focus on my baby, but I also made sure I told my husband how he made me proud to be his wife and the mother of his first child. I told him I loved him every day and made sure I gave him just as many kisses as I did my little Christopher (well, maybe not just as many). I complimented him on how great of a father he was and I never spoke down to him if he didn’t know how to do something regarding the baby. Even though I had more experience than my husband with newborns, I never put my way of doing things for the baby, onto him. I wanted him to parent the way that was most comfortable for him and allow him the chance to find his rhythm.
Clearly, my marriage is important to me and it was never my intention to neglect the vow we made to each other. What begins as a natural desire to love our children can easily turn into the downfall of what keeps the entire family together; our marriage. I’m grateful that my mommy pointed that out to me very early on. Recognizing the natural change in me as a new mom allowed me to create a better balance for my family. What could have turned into a power struggle for affection and attention between a man and a baby, ultimately led to two parents sharing the enjoyment of having a newborn. Our children are meant to deepen our love for each other; not tear our love apart.