Ever since Mitchell and Linda Lopez found out they were going to have twins, their world turned upside down. Valerie and Brenda interview them to find out how they keep it all together and strive to “have it all”.
Linda and Mitchell Lopez were in for a surprise when they visited the doctor after several challenges trying to have a baby. In the fall of 2013, they found out they were pregnant with twins.
No matter how much you think you prepared for it, it’s not enough.
If you knew anything out this couple, their lives were far from quiet. Both of them came from large families who seemed to have something going on every weekend. Linda is the Vice President of Product Development and Sales at a high-volume apparel company, and Mitchell is a supervisor for an insurance company.
Anyone with kids knows that your life gets turned upside down when babies enter your lives. Twins are double the trouble at the same time.
I interviewed Linda and Mitchell to get their spin on how their twin boy and girl have changed them forever.
How did you react when you first found out you were having twins?
Mitchell: I spoke to my cousin who had twins, and he advised me to do whatever I wanted before they came because when do they happen, it will be over. What I realized is that I should have done more. No matter how much you think you prepared for it, it’s not enough.
Do you both experience any stressors that didn’t exist before?
Linda: At first, it was hard not to prioritize my kids. Right now, I am making an effort to have balance. It has been hard not to make it 100% about them.
Mitchell: I am more of a disciplinarian while Linda is a nurturer. I feel because of her demanding job; she overcompensates her nurturing. I feel like I need to create boundaries.
Linda: Our parenting skills are different where I am a mom where I want to cuddle them and love them. Then there’s time management in our relationship.
You can plan all you want, but sometimes you can control. You can be ready 20 minutes before getting to grandma’s house. Everyone is ready to go. Hair is brushed, kids are changed, the car is packed, then you get to your seats and baby Lopez A spews out projectile vomit everywhere, and then you’re an hour and a half late.
“Netflix and Chill” is really “Netflix and Sleep”
What do you do to keep the flame alive?
Mitchell: Our vacations are three day weekends. We try to make sure we spend time together that way. The days of 5 or 6 days vacations do not exist anymore. We try to carve out an elongated weekend.
“Netflix and Chill” is really “Netflix and Sleep.”
Linda: When we do go on trips, I suddenly remember why I like my husband. It’s a reminder of why we got together in the first place.
We are both cognizant in that to make our marriage work and to be strong we both have to attempt to spend time with each other. If not, you get so consumed with your children that one day you turn around and wonder who your partner is.
One day I was traveling and suggested that we buy a calendar and put hearts on days randomly on that calendar. Those are the days that we are going to allow to ourselves to spend time together one on one.
Mitchell: Linda travels a lot and feels a little bit of guilt knowing that she’s not at home. The minute that she is home, she becomes a mom and wants to overcompensate with activities to make up for lost time.
Linda: Mitch needs a little bit of a reprieve when she does get back. Letting him go out is a way that he achieves balance
Mitchell: It also plays into the complex she has when she wants to do stuff for herself. With Linda, she would instead not go out because she feels guilty for wanting to be selfish. That does create a little animosity towards each other.
It was much more of a challenge when they were much younger. I felt that I needed the outlet and she didn’t.
Over time, it got a lot better. Linda did not have an outlet where she was giving and giving but not letting her have time for herself.
Though it is still a work in progress, the struggles of young children and being married are real. It is so easy to get lost in the day to day chores and forget why you are together in the first place.
All marriages go through their ebbs and flows. Remembering to date your spouse will make a difference when your children leave the house and you’re left wondering, “Who is this stranger I married?”