S2-E13: The Honeymoon Phase is Over

We say our “I do’s” and we look forward to our “happily ever after” with our person. But, there might (and let’s be real, might means probably) become a point when your marriage isn’t consumed by spontaneous moments of passion or date nights that last until the the sun rises. Your marriage evolves into more of a routine with packing lunches and folding endless amounts of laundry. There are days when you are so physically and emotionally drained that you can’t wait to crawl into bed, in your oversized sweats of course. On those exhausting days, right before you fall asleep you think to yourself “wait, did I even kiss my partner today?” The bad news is, the honeymoon stage is over. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be! The foundation underneath the day to day routine is still there, you just need to be mindful of it.

As your life evolves, so does your relationship with your partner. Date nights might not be at the club until 3am followed by pancakes, but they can still be just as meaningful and fun. If you notice that you and your partner are going through a rough roommate patch, acknowledge it with them and make an effort to change it up. Little things matter. Fresh coffee in bed or surprise “I love you” post-it notes sprinkled around the house. It’s so easy to tuck the kids into bed and scroll through Instagram until your eyes close. Quit that habit. Buy a puzzle and a bottle of wine and sit with your partner, no phones allowed, and just be with each other even for an hour. You don’t have to do this every night or even once a week, just make it a point to have those unique moments together whenever you can.

It is common that when we are unhappy, we rely on food to give us the high we so desperately want. Or, if you have a newborn it is even more common to become dependent on carbs to keep you awake and functional throughout the day. Carbs and sugar to perk us up can also result in our pants not fitting. If you and your partner are going through the weight-gain struggle, the best way to reconnect is to alter your lifestyle together. Whether that is a cleanse, whole30, or keto, doing it together is not only motivating, but it bonds you together on another level. Make it fun by cooking new recipes together or waking up extra early to do burpees before the kids and chaos begin.

If the marriage has gotten to a point where you just feel so lost that you are concerned for the future of your relationship, therapy is a fantastic resource. Having a third party to help you communicate and navigate your way through the difficult time, is incredibly beneficial. Marriage is hard work and sometimes we need extra help, that is perfectly normal and okay!

A happy marriage isn’t about coasting through constant sunshine, its about putting the effort in when times get tough. “A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes, and a promise to never give up on each other.” – Surabhi Surenda.

Tips

• Keep the routine but sprinkle in special moments

  As humans, we love routine. So stick with your regularly scheduled programming, but add in some moments for you and your partner. Make it a point to kiss them as soon as you see each other off for the day. Have yourselves a glass of wine nightcap after the kids are tucked in. You don’t have to designate 3 hours a day for this- the little moments matter.

• Bring in a third party

  Therapy is a great resource! Use it as a tool to help you communicate and figure out the root of the issue.

Don’t stress. Remember that a well fed baby is a happy baby and a stress-free mommy is just as important!